There’s a corner in our brain where all of our darkest thoughts and ill-wishing hang out until they sense it’s the “right time” to come out. But that time is never timely; it is when we feel weaker and most vulnerable that these insecurities and uncertainties threaten to take over us. And sometimes, they succeed.
It’s one of the hardest tests of life: the existential crises, the morbid thoughts, the apathy, the unreliable sense of inadequacy, the misery. You refuse to believe you’re depressed because some things don’t add up. It could be that you’re not because, “why do I only feel this way around certain time or when I’m doing certain things that I don’t want to do but have to?”
I’m no psychologist, but if your behavior and mental state are altered by your environment, it’s time to reconsider it all — work, relationships, situationships, all of it. What are the risks of changing direction and getting these things out of your way? I ask myself the same question. Maybe it’s easier said than done for some or maybe a lack of drive and inspiration are holding you back, or maybe it’s something else, something stronger. But whatever it is, it’s better to push through that barrier and free yourself.
Being stuck in an unpleasant place in life, physically and emotionally, is hell and I know it because I’ve been there. And every now and then my mind wants to take me there again. I know how hard it is to get out of your own mind and it is for that reason that I’m writing this; as a way of saying, you’re not the only one.
Sometimes that’s all we want to hear, that we’re not alone, that we’re not “sick” for having thoughts we shouldn’t, that we can get out of bad situations, that we’ll overcome. So if you don’t have anyone to remind you of it, read it again. Everything is temporary. In the meantime, hang on.