Like every year, we do a little reflection on the year that just went by. But like no other year, that I know of, this year gave us a little extra to think about, learn, be thankful for, perhaps regret, and even love. Here are some of the things that I learned and resented this year.
I found out that it ain’t true, that your heart can’t break when it wasn’t whole to begin with, because the fragments, every broken piece multiplies, actually.
I learned about the agony that sprouts out of a rootless relationship; out of missing something that just isn’t there, that never was, and won’t ever be.
I learned that there’s pure love in me, which even in my consciousness I’ve given to careless hearts, only to watch as it blows up right in my face like confetti.
We’re fragile. I re-learned that for sure. Oh, so fragile…
Our existence remains a mystery. We may think we’re here to reproduce and / or “live the life,” but when that life can be taken from us in the blink of an eye, how can that be our only purpose in the universe?
Again and again, we’ve ignored the meaning of it all — it’s all in the little things. Make time for those.
I’m not a gamer, but at times life can feel like a video game, and we’re just collecting brain cells and brand new whole hearts to stay alive and it is hard and the game-over comes easy and fast; while winning, also known as happiness, seems unreachable, implausible.
I learned that if you really want to live it up before something like, say, a virus (?) takes your life, you must keep in mind that every second you spend breathing counts. It shouldn’t be wasted on superficiality and banality but on what adds value to your quality of life.
But I learned the negatives all so well in 2020 that I forced myself to find the positives.
I loved a little harder, too, in spite of my heart. I hugged my loved ones a little tighter. I’ve appreciated my good health more than ever. And I’d like to believe that my caution and self-diagnosed “OCD” have played an important role in keeping me alive so far. (Or just safer? To make this less dramatic.)
My strength kept me going in times of complete isolation. My job, my hobbies, my independence, my passions — they’ve all played a part. So I’m thankful for my foundation because for some people it’s been incredibly hard. Or harder, I should point out.
Things won’t magically feel “normal” again once that clock hits 12:00 midnight on January 1, 2021. Your problems won’t automatically go away like we’ve just traveled on some time machine (don’t we wish?!). But it will feel like a breath of fresh air for those of us who thought we wouldn’t make it in one piece through these unbelievably challenging times. Guess what? We really got this far.
So raise your glass if you’re still here against all odds and pat yourself on the back because, YOU DID THAT!
In 2021, let’s be intentional on the pursuit of what we really want. Let’s leave our comfort zones. Let’s not take sh*t for granted. Let’s communicate better. Let’s be truer to ourselves. Let’s be decent humans. Let’s have more fun. Let’s be smarter. Let’s chase our dreams. Let’s live like we mean it. Let’s get started.
