Let me just start by saying that everybody is a little ugly when they cry, in case that’s stopping you from letting go. And the reason I say this is because I’m bringing up crying — like most of my heavily emotional blog posts and poems.
It’s fair to say that I know exactly what it’s like to juggle multiple tasks at once; multiple gigs, projects, multiple bill due dates, friends with multiple faces…you name it. But it never occurred to me — a woman who goes to war with her different moods every month — that juggling different (simply human) emotions at once could ever be harder than PMS.
Lately, I find myself saying “it’s everything” when asked, “What’s wrong?”
As it probably happened with everybody else, it all started during that weird quarantine stage for me. The lock-down itself didn’t hit me at first because, as I previously wrote, in a very cocky post, I thought isolation would be easy for me because I’d been doing it for a long time.
In a way, my prediction was right since I was basing it on 14 days — not 150+ days of quarantine. But as it turns out, solitude hits differently when it’s not a deliberate choice by you. Even worse was going from a dozen back-breaking hugs a day to zero hugs. Not to be too dramatic, but that was like going through heroin withdrawal for me. (And this probably makes me sound like a heroin connoisseur…) Anyway, I just like having the option of hugging people when I want to, and the lockdown put all of us to the test.
So much confinement does something to our serotonin levels, but when so many lives have been affected and lost, you learn to live with your minor inconveniences. Our cooperation and thoughtfulness became an essential during Corona time.
So, already there’s the empath part of me dealing with not wanting to cause any harm to any being, while also wanting to get the eff out of the house; then, it got lonely, so there was that; then, it was the job situation — because we all found ourselves suddenly unemployed for a bit there (and I know some people lost their jobs permanently). I also went through some physical challenges there when I broke my wrist back in June, as well as some personal problems. Let’s just say — and let’s not even sugar-coat it — it’s been f’ing hell.
Fast forward to a somewhat reportedly better time in the pandemic meter, and a global disaster meets a national crisis. The two collided. Once again, the black community was under attack. No punishment for police brutality. And there’s so much more going on that just makes it look like the world is about to end any minute now, but it doesn’t, and it all just hurts, to be honest. I still can’t believe it is not fiction. It’s a lot to handle, friends.
I don’t know how many more tests this year or this lifetime is going to present us with, but if our repetitive human history is right again, we can recover and rebuild — and we will.
Now, how do you juggle multiple emotions at once; when you’re in the shower and tears start pouring down and you don’t even know which one of your issues is bringing them out? I say, one at a time. It’s the only way. It can be so overwhelming it will feel like you’re drowning at times, but I think you have to focus on one problem — or else you’ll really drown. And we don’t want that.
So whether you’re fighting for justice, for your life, or both, stay human, stay soft. Let it all out and let it go. Life goes on. Take care of your sanity to go on.
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