How could I have ignored the time Rey commented on my neighbors’ little sister’s physical appearance? “Man, she’s going to be a heartbreaker,” he said in a way that no grown eighteen-year-old male should be using to refer to a ten-year-old. I found the comment inappropriate, but said nothing. And, how about the time a girl, who happened to go to my school, came up to me and told me that she was my boyfriend’s girlfriend? Or the time he implied that he’d lost count of how many girls he’d f-cked? Or the time when someone told me they saw him making out with some other girl at the beach? The signs were so many, right in my face, and I chose to look away.
It was hard to accept that my little fantasy was over. He was my first love, after all. He was my first kiss and the first living man I had ever shed tears for. Letting go was hard. But he was also the first boy to break my heart, and that was harder. If I’d stayed, I’d be stepping on my own dignity. There would be no back-on this time — we were off, forever.
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When you’ve got everyone’s back and your own remains in the open,
remember that you’re like a weathered rock;
broken, but still solid.
Do you think life will find me here? Ever so overwhelming…
When I was a little girl, I’d hear the word “pecado” (sin) on the daily. It was in my elders’ vocabulary heavily. I was raised in a catholic family, and almost everything I did; everything I wanted, everything I thought, everything I DREAMED of, was considered a sin. So much that I was in a way afraid to be myself around people because, who knows, breathing might’ve had been sinning.
But sins seemed like so much fun to me. It seemed that all things proven to be good in life were sins. I kind of wanted to sin.
As an adult, effortlessly, I sin. I’m guilty. And as long as I’m not hurting anyone (too much) in the process, I am okay with that. Life is about living. To live fully, mistakes are necessary.
You can’t limit a human life that way. If the religious definition of sinning were to be true, then we’re all sinners by default. Good thing its original meaning is becoming obsolete.
Anyway, I am not trying to discuss “divine laws” — I had this thought in my head today and thought I’d write about it because I like the word and what it represents, and it’s one of my favorite ones to mock.