Too Much of This, Not Enough of That

Big part of my upbringing taught me how to be submissive. Didn’t teach me to stand up, I had to learn it. I learned to speak up to get what I wanted. A painfully shy life form, I could never do enough to fit the norm.

“Be quiet!” they’d tell me. “Kids don’t have a say.”
“Smile!”
“Sit up straight.”
“Raise your head when you walk.”
“Look at people in the eye when you talk.”
“Don’t laugh so loudly!”
“Don’t sin, act godly.”
“Pristine girls don’t run around like horses;
they walk in a straight line…”

And perhaps unknowingly, they gave me too strong a spine. But still, not fine.

Now I socialize too much
Now I speak up too much
Now I drink too much
Now I dance too much
Now I go out too much
Now I walk too straight
Now I laugh even louder
Now I make too much eye contact.
Now? Now I am
too critical
too political
too feminist
too biased
too unbiased
too liberal
too picky
too open
too shady
too secular
too qualified
too unqualified…

Now I’m too much of this, yet not enough of that.
Now? I changed, but I still can’t please everyone.
I am not what was expected of me.
Yet I’m everything I’m happy to be.
You can change your learned behaviors.
Find your own voice, have your way.
Can you imagine us all being the same?
I certainly can’t.