As defined by Merriam-Webster online dictionary, ghosting is:
the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) usually without explanation by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, messages, etc.
I personally couldn’t picture Romeo and Juliet ghosting each other, could you? But I do think this “practice” has existed for as long as we’ve been able to breathe — people avoiding reality, maybe? We just have a cooler and more fitting name for it now, in the 21st century.
Ghosting is a more common practice in the dating and relationships scene. And, boy, does it really thrive in the hookup culture… It may also be more of a predominant behavior in some cultures (ahem, USA?) and within certain demographics.
There are many people whom I know who have become victims of this strange modern human behavior — or trend? In my humble (but rightfully opinion), I think ghosting is a low, cold-hearted, conscious cowardly decision that some people make to avoid real life problems. Their sympathy, interpersonal and communication skills, to me, become questionable or nonexistent at that point.
But the reason that this particular theme came to mind today has no relation to dating. It is because of, for the longest time, I’ve been trying to make sense of some relatable, isolated events that took place in my life a while ago. Let’s just say I think of it more often than I should, and I want to put it to rest.
As some of you readers can probably tell by now, I am not only a writer but I’m also an educator. I’ve been teaching little ones for a few years now. But occasionally, I also tutor adults. And, once upon a time, I was teaching about five adults, at different times, on a consistent basis for a year or three. One of them was a college student at a prestigious university, who swore I was a really good teacher. It really boosted my confidence and I think he was the reason I kept accepting adult learners. Soon enough, I had another student, a business person, who also told me she “loved” my classes. Eventually, it went on and on…
I had only been this (scholastically) positively reinforced by kids in the past, mind you, so it was a pleasant surprise to hear that my tricks worked with grownups, too. [Tee-hee!] So I was very confident in my teaching style.
Each and every day, my adult learners looked forward to our classes. We texted frequently. The communication was very open and solid. They made sure to let me know what they wanted to learn next, how things were going so far, if they were going to be absent, etc. I loved it. Until…one day, someone was going away for the holidays, and so was I. So, we said our loving “until next year” goodbyes with smiley faces, fireworks, and all that jazz. Everything was going great. I loved my students; they loved me.
Then, come first week of January, I texted my first student back to let her know I was back in town and ready for our first new year session, and…CRICKETS.
I mean zero text, calls, or emails. I was so confused. She had always been so quick to respond. I debated calling her to see if everything was OK with her, but I wanted to respect her privacy so much that I didn’t. I might’ve emailed her too. But got nothing. Days went by. Months…years. Never heard back.
My second student went on vacation on a different occasion, as well, and we agreed by phone conversation to pick up where we left off when she returned. I had no reason to believe she wouldn’t — she could be my mother. By our conversations, I’d assume she knew better not to do me dirty, or so I thought. Zero responses to my texts when the time to meet came.
My third student went down slowly, under different circumstances, but I still don’t understand why she chose the silence path. She was a different case. It was therapeutic (for her) meeting with me. Our sessions were special. She was the one adult I’d been teaching for the longest, so it kind of hurt in a special way when she suddenly stopped reaching out. It was like I understood, but I still didn’t.
The fourth was predictable, and mutual. But then again, another case of lack of communication.
And then there was my college dude. He was awesome, a lot of fun — and he shouldn’t be on this list since it was me who decided to end our tutoring sessions. [crying emoji] When he showed disappointment, even though we had only been working for half a semester, it secretly broke me. It was just not the right timing. Teaching is not for everyone because when it’s time to say goodbye, only the bravest can.
To be honest, I can’t quite remember in which order all of this happened, but I do know that it all happened during the same couple of years and it was so overwhelming to see so much miscommunication, or lack of, that it still affects me.
It’s been over six years, and I still can’t… I still don’t know what happened to some of these students. What happened?! I wish I had answers. Ghosting is never the way to go, people. It’s emotional abuse. Plain and simple. You may think not texting someone back or calling them because you don’t want to have to deal with the emotional weight or the explanations is cool, but it only shows one of the worst sides of you. It’s cold.
So, do me a favor — if you’re a grown person or a young adult who understands that communication is key, get your point across and stop leaving people hanging! Thank you.
