Are you ever torn between “I don’t give a f*ck” and “I felt that too much”? Entirely. Because I completely hear you if you are.
There are millions of us who can connect with that sentiment. (And there’s an even more inclined crowd, like this self-proclaimed poet, who feels everything even deeper.) I’ve known cold and shallow, and I’ve known warmth and depth. So, trust me — not everyone can relate to the way you see misunderstandings, disappointments, hurt, harm, and beyond. But to those who can relate: I understand.
I know what it is like to be misunderstood, when all you want is just to at least be heard.
People who have their own issues with getting their point across will accuse you of being “passive aggressive” when you try to be subtle with your advice, or being “too straight forward” when you try to be honest — making it a situation where you can never win. I was just thinking, wow, you really can’t please everyone. Why haven’t I given up?!
And it led me to another subject, if I may step out of this one for a second. I guess I now understand why it’s hard to allow new people in your inner circle after your 30’s. In your teen years and then your 20’s, you went through it all; now you’ve sorted out what you can tolerate and what you can’t. And, there comes a point when you decide those decisions are final.
So, when someone who tries to change the game even for a bit comes along, you’re too solidified to allow for any more drastic changes. You’ve gone through so much you’re not willing to take that chance again. You may be a flexible person, just not in that department. It’s complicated, but it doesn’t feel like you have to make room for everyone anymore.
When someone on a random street rubs you the wrong way, you just take the highway. You no longer stick around to see if they’ll change direction. You’re certain that you don’t want to keep making the same mistakes of allowing underserving people aboard your ship.
Of course, you might still care about some of those people who might’ve hurt you with their choices, but at the same time you feel like “it’s whatever” since the remedy isn’t under your control. That, my friend, is OK. We don’t have control over everything and everyone’s actions. Life is strange. I think that, at the end of our story, we all realize everyone’s true intentions. It’s sad we have to wait so long sometimes, but better late than never.
In my case, I bet I’ll be no different. But for now, I wish no one any harm. All I want is to enjoy the simplistic things I take joy in this life without having to pay a high prize. Simply put, my language is music, my religion is love, and peace is the way I choose to go.
