I don’t know how or when it started
the first time I told myself these lies,
grown so tall it’s hard to find the truth
hidden somewhere deep in the twisted roots.
One more night, I kept saying.
And then it was two…and three…
and it seems now too infinite to count.
How do I go back to the beginning?
Possibly the only way to understand
at which point in my history
I was cornered and held captive.
Maybe going back is the only way
to get out of it while I can.
But oh do I want to stay…
Contradiction and masochism played a part;
a code that’s been hard to crack from the start.
I pray one day it’ll all make sense;
how I landed in your cold arms
but somehow found warmth
My unconventional shelter
when desire overwhelms me
and nostalgia brings about
memories of your sweet nectar.
