How to accept your small frame (excerpt)

As an author, I don’t think I could always keep a copy of my own book nearby. But whenever I need to remind myself of my purpose or of things that I’ve accomplished because of my stories, or of my own advice, I like to go back to a particular page or chapter in my book. It’s purely for satisfaction (and a little ego boost). Most recently, I revisited my FLAT: LIVING SMALL IN LARGE AMERICA book — my very own personal journey that I wrote in hopes of inspiring other women to make peace with their bodies and, particularly, their small boobs — and boy, am I proud.

I wanted to go back to it because I have recently met and come across women with toxic breast implant stories. Secretly, the proud human part of me is whispering, “I told you so, society.” But the sensitive part of me, the one that always takes over, is feeling deeply sorry that more women keep falling for it and keep going through this epidemic, when it can be avoided in a simple way: self-acceptance.

To each their own, sure, and I’ve already laid out my opinions on why 99% of the time women only want to have big boobs because of this unfortunate patriarchal system we live in, but the truth is there are real consequences to undergoing cosmetic surgery — and that is NOT an opinion.

I wrote about these facts in FLAT, but today on my blog I just want to share some of the more “organic” things that helped me be more comfortable in my skin and accept my body as is. I call them self-esteem boosters. I hope someone finds something uplifting here!

Self-esteem Boosters

1) Act like you don’t care and eventually you won’t care. Say, “these are my boobs and I won’t change them for you.” Self-acceptance is the only way to move on to the next steps.

2) Don’t depend on anyone’s validation. Do you think you look good when you look at yourself in the mirror, wearing your favorite bikini top, blouse or strapless dress? Then you’re good to go. Sure, the opinion of a friend is sometimes useful, but ultimately, it’s your call. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, keep reading.

3) Stop focusing on what boys want — and this one is MAJOR. I know it’s all for a good fun (and I hope I’m right), but I’m not fond of Meghan Trainor’s All About that Bass lyrics, for example. The part that says that “boys like a little more booty to hold at night” might be cute, but it can be toxic. And then, she tells you to “go ahead and tell them skinny b*tches that.” It’s just another example of pop culture being tone-deaf and, worse, making everything about what men like and shaming women for every “failure.”

You can’t just turn a serious issue into a joke.

Remarks like these may seem innocent, but they can affect the psyche of the self-conscious. These messages — whether published in print, as songs, or as videos — are then taken as facts by the younger generation and the cycle never ends. It doesn’t matter if Trainor’s song says she’s “just playing” after she shames skinny girls and those with silicone (the whole song is a contradiction). It’s still irresponsible when you have the power to influence so many people positively. Remember that your value doesn’t increase only after boys approve of it. You’re smarter than that. The only judge of your body should be you. Just remember to be gentle with yourself.

4) Try not to take pop culture so literal. Bashing women with large breasts to feel better about yourself won’t help your boobs grow. Films have a history of tagging women with a big cleavage as the ‘brainless friend’ or the ‘whore’ (a case in point is the character of Rhiannon in the movie Easy A) when it may not even be under their control that they have big breasts. A large chest doesn’t make a girl “slutty,” it’s time to kill that stereotype. Complement one another instead.

5) Do things that boost your confidence. Put on some heels, paint your lips red, purple, pink…whatever makes you feel great. Not that you need those things to declare your femininity, but if you like colors and it makes you feel better, why not? Trends that don’t damage our psyche are fine; it’s the ones that tell you that your biology is a mistake that are problematic.

Be bold and daring. Meaning, don’t be afraid to wear low-cuts, V-necks and anything that society says your small self shouldn’t wear.

6) Cut back on social media and magazines. For real! I subscribed to too many fashion and beauty magazines during my late teens and early twenties. I started noticing the lack of representation that existed for girls like me on those publications and the incredibly “flawless” skins that all the models had — obviously Photoshopped. But one day I just put them down. I ended my subscriptions, finite! And my life’s been fine without the extra pressure since.

They’re the enemy; always generalizing about what guys really look for in a relationship, what celebrities are up to; who got a nose job, a boob job, a face-lift and now looks younger. It’s an incredibly artificial world and it’s exhausting. You need not to be submerged in that pool. By putting it DOWN, you’ll be bringing yourself UP.

7) This may sound surprising, but the secret to getting your crush’s attention is not big boobs — it’s self-confidence. Carry yourself with presence, as if you were the Queen of Monaco, and the rest will follow. Believe in yourself and the world will believe in you.

8) When you’re so down that the happy lives of ordinary flat-chested girls won’t inspire you, consider the many famous successful women who’ve made a name for themselves without the aid of big breasts. Some of my favorites are: Mila Kunis, Keira Knightley, Lupita Nyong’o, Kate Hudson, Debra Messing, and Shakira. Have you seen those gorgeous, successful women? Who needs huge boobs?!

9) Measure your cup less and value your health more. I know you look at yourself in the mirror every so often hoping to somehow wake up one day and find that your chest has ballooned. I’ve been there. Don’t be disappointed if they don’t change. Think of how many breast cancer survivors have had a mastectomy and are happier post-surgery, even though they may not have breast tissue left and will never have breasts again. There’s so much more to look forward to in life. Not that you should feel guilty about your healthy ones, and your ability to get fake ones on top. But when failing to see what really matters here, sometimes it helps to look at other people’s misfortunes for a much-needed reality check. You might be taking the rest of your body parts for granted.

And remember, it’s not about having one body part making up for another; it’s about appreciating what you do have. Accentuate those traits you love and make life easier on yourself. Your cup size will soon be forgotten.

It is absolutely possible to live happily with your minimal assets — I’m living proof of that.

For more tips on how to live happily with the “bare minimum,” check my book FLAT: LIVING SMALL IN LARGE AMERICA.