Best worst years?

When you reflect on the past, do you think of the best and worst years of your life? I do. And for the latter, I can easily think of three, one of which we all have in common — 2020. The second is irrelevant for this post, and the third is [drum roll] 2023.

All year, until this month, I’ve felt like a specimen for the continuous study of Murphy’s Law (if there’s one). Literally everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong…and for almost 12 months. I want you to picture that for me.

A journey so incredible I have to document it.

Essentially, this is how the year started for me. Finding a suitable fairly paying linguist day job seemed nearly impossible in Miami. So did finding an affordable home. We know Florida is bad, but goshdayum! Hundreds of miles away, meanwhile, my mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease earlier on. And with so much on my plate, my mind became inhabitable and my anxiety hit the roof. Evidently, next thing I knew, a whole new fear was unlocked in my life: (self-diagnosed) clinical depression. All while facing some health and personal issues.

Suddenly, everything came crashing down. Again, Murphy’s Law haunting me. Everything, from my creative flow to my productivity, and even my ability to sell myself as a freelancer, was affected.

As an independent writer, I’ve kind of gotten used to the idea that there will be lots of rejected submissions. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it, I’ve accepted it. But when it comes to a regular, “traditional” job — where my qualifications and years of experience are clearly marked — it almost never went that way; it almost never went wrong. But as my rejection letters folder filled up (yes, I keep a “fuel” folder), I faced a new reality: do I need to move out of this city — a place that I ironically selected to live a less stressful life? Halfway through the year, I remained in a state of shock.

Every passing day of 2023 terrified me. There was literally a new fear to unlock every day. I wondered, “what’s next?”

I’m still living with the pain and challenge that is having to watch a parent navigate life with dementia, mind you, which in my case is both parents. (But that’s a story for another day, a work in progress I’ve titled After Careful Consideration – be on the lookout!)

It is taxing and debilitating beyond imagination, but never have I believed in the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” as much as I do now.

With my mom’s condition, we’re taking it one day at a time. Not every day is great, but at least we can count on the consistency of her mood swings to see some good days as well! And luckily, she’s a physically healthy person and the strongest woman I know.

While it is not the first time I go through so much emotional chaos — this being the second scariest life experience I’ve gone through — it is certainly the first time I go through every hardship all at once. I was thankful to have some moral support along the way because, while you can pull through alone, the road seems shorter with a word of encouragement.

Why am I sharing this? I’ve said many times that, for the most part, we only see the happy moments in a person’s life on the Internet — and I don’t want to be part of that crowd. I want to be part of the storytellers who show the world the rawness of the human struggle, and then want them to be comforted by the fact that we are capable of overcoming every one of those obstacles.

As I’ve learned, sharing your story can help others who are going through similar experiences know that they’re not the only ones. For some weird reason, this is comforting. A lot of things become easier with time, except life itself because, well, the more you learn… and awareness is harder than gullibility to live with. But despite life being life, you learn to make it easier through your own experiences. Accepting what you cannot change has something to do with that, too.

A new year might be just another year, but for people who’ve gone through hell and back, it means a little hope. It means the start of a healing journey. To me, the way this end of 2023 feels is like when you get off a rollercoaster and your body is still floating and everything is spinning, but you know that things are about to be steady all around you soon again. Trust it will.

Life might’ve made me a bit cynical and a bit nihilistic, but in an interesting rare twist, also a hopeless optimist. Passion, determination, resilience, self-love, and kindness can take you far.

Please have the best, healthiest, and most prosperous new year!