Here’s to You, Alone for the Holidays

The year was…doesn’t matter. I just remember it was cold and lonely in a lively city that was supposed to be warmer than what I was used to. I asked the few new friends I’d made if they knew of any shelter looking for volunteers for Thanksgiving. Once I realized I was asking the wrong people, I searched online and came back with a few options, but they were already booked. 

Wait, what? Booked? There was such a thing, believe it or not. It was a bummer. 

Conversely, for my future reference, that year I learned that you can’t just show up at a shelter and feed the homeless. There’s a process for that.

It dawned on me months later that, despite the fact that I really do enjoy being part of a good cause, I was being a little selfish; I was just looking for company. I was thinking more about me than I was about the cause, I’ll admit, but I was in a tough spot. I didn’t want to be around my huge family at the time — and be questioned by everyone about my then relationship status. I wanted to avoid that at all cost. And the only way to do that, I thought, was not going home for the holidays. 

And that’s when I learned my lesson.

Just kidding! I didn’t go home for the next two holidays either. And, for the first time in my American history, I spent two and a half Thanksgivings alone, while in an unhealthy state of mind. Oh, the other half, you ask? One of my friends did join me for a last-minute Thanksgiving dinner at a bar (the only available option) on the first year I moved away from family.

Christmas was my absolute favorite time of the year when I was a child. But after my family moved to the US and I saw how commercial the holiday season is, I’m not sure that I look forward to it as much anymore. Still, even if it’s just a fictitious time that we humans created to buy gifts and buy us some family time, I want to be around people I love. Yes, I still think it is still a beautiful season — with all its flaws.

So, while I enjoy my solitude, I’m also an emotional being who feels the melancholy of being away from people I care about on a traditionally family oriented holiday. That’s why having the right company during this time of the year matters to me.

I understand that I have choices, but that isn’t possible for everyone, which is why I wrote this thinking of anyone spending the holidays alone. 

For some people, it isn’t a big deal. They choose to not celebrate or whatever the reason may be. They’re okay with that. I say good for them! But if you happen to be alone because you have no choice, I would say: MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

I might’ve had tears in my eyes during my first trying times. Hell, I was sobbing! But I tried to cheer myself up by getting a bottle of Prosecco, I attempted a (failed) dinner, played some happy music and danced in the kitchen. The next day, I carried on. Just like that. Resilience manifests differently for everyone. 

Again, it’s okay to cry while you’re biting on a hard piece of turkey (or your choice of food) while thinking about why the hell you are alone on a Christmassy night. If I may suggest anything else, watch a movie, go out for a walk, talk to a friend, read a book, stalk your celebrity crush…do anything that will lift your spirits up. But whatever you do, try not to cry yourself to sleep on Christmas’ Eve.

May this find you well.

Happy Holidays!