I think I burned the popcorn

I am usually very well-coordinated, organized, and able to follow directions. But when it comes to cooking, I am a completely, absolutely, and entirely helpless mess. It is maybe one of the only things (from the list of life essentials) that I just can’t get right.

It’s been a running a joke among my family and friends for as long as I can remember, but it’s not even funny anymore; it is ridiculous. It doesn’t help that the kitchen is the last place I want to be. And I gave up on trying to be a chef a long time ago, but thought I’d talk about it one more time because I hope someone out there can relate and give me hope, or feels better knowing that someone out here is clueless and that they’re not alone.

My mom tried to teach me how to cook when I was only 10, but I had no interest in “housewife” duties. Now, eons later, I wish I had learned or that were better in that department because, guess what? I have to prepare my own meals. I’ve made the smart decision of not having kids, though, so I have that going for me. And there’s no way, for everyone’s sake, that I could be with a partner who can’t cook either. As Cardi B sings, “I don’t cook” — but I clean! It’s all about balance.

So the picture you’re seeing below inspired this post. It’s not exactly about making any food from scratch; I just had to heat up some tamales. The instructions said to microwave or boil them. I’m not a fan of microwaved food, so I chose to boil them. Nothing fancy, right? Well, after following the right timing in the directions, this corn-y thing was still cold in the center, so I kept it in the boiling water for a tiny bit longer. But when I removed it from the water, it basically…disintegrated.

A whole mess…

Yes, it could happen to anyone, but not as many times as it happens to me! I mean, I burned my popcorn last week…is that too much?

I have so many stories I could write a book.  [looks away into the distance and contemplates the idea] I can, however, make something good when I’m patient with following a recipe and its timing. But good cooking happens to me, I think, only every leap year. That’s why I don’t even try.

Anyhow, that’s all I wanted to say today about my cooking talent, or lack thereof. If anyone wants to share their culinary stories on here (good or bad), I’d love to hear it.

Stay fed!