Friends Now Gone Later

So much has been said about friendships, through personal anecdotes, quotes, proverbs, and entire books, that you think you know what a “real friend” should be and should act like. Some of those stories hold truth today, but I think it is something that you eventually learn on your own.

Who is a friend?

It’s funny how sometimes you befriend people in your childhood and, because you grew up with them, you think you owe one another loyalty and that your friendship is meant to be. But, sometimes, those people who watched you grow and were perhaps the first ones to learn all about your inclinations — your style, taste, and habits, may end up being total strangers later in your life.

Meeting them was possibly only circumstantial. Knowing them might’ve been fun when you were younger, but by the time you’re past your twenties, you may have a completely different perspective. You know then what it is that you look for in a lifetime friend. And, sometimes, it is not those familiar faces you grew up with.

Don’t get me wrong; those lasting friendships that make it through every crucial stage in life are special and amazing. And what about those friends you lose touch with at some point, but reconnect over and over again over time? There’s something positively strange and fascinating about it. You keep coming back for a reason.

But those who grow apart or go their separate ways — I don’t think you should try to force a friendship with them. To me, if it doesn’t follow a natural course, it is not worth pursuing.

Whatever the reason may be, I’m starting to believe that we don’t pick our “forever” friends in our childhood or teen years but much later in life. When you finally know yourself and already have experienced some solid life lessons, it is when you can make more mature choices. It is then, as it turns out, when you have the courage to choose who stays and who needs to go.

I learned one day how much it hurts to be backstabbed by people you care about, and because of it, I can say I’ve known, for a long time, what I want in a friend. But it is not just about backstabbing. More often than not, it is just that you don’t have as much in common as you thought with certain people.

For some of us, it’s just much better to share activities with someone who can see the beauty in a heart-shaped leaf, for example, or in the reflection of the moonlight on the ocean, or any of the subtleties of life. Or simply someone who understands why replying to a message actually matters to you.

Those details you really appreciate can be hard to find, but it is not impossible. There’s a thing in life that will always be true, and that is that you have to pick your battles. No relationship of any kind will ever be perfect because none of us is. You decide what you will tolerate in a friendship, though, and what you will not. Just always keep in mind that it goes both ways.